For Teens

TEEN DEPRESSION

Depression can happen to anyone, rich, poor, any race, students with learning problems and gifted students.  When it does happen to someone, it seems to be very much about disconnection.

This disconnect can be hard to recognize especially in youths, it can be gradual distancing.  In many cases it goes unnoticed by parents but peers tend to notice it.

TEEN DEPRESSION/SIGNS OF TEEN DEPRESSION

• Inexplicable disconnect from self, family and friends (difficult to recognize)
• Sense of being different
• Excessive anger
• Anxiety, phobias or fears
• Alcohol/ Substance abuse
• Unexplained physical complaints
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU SUPPECT SOMEONE IS SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION

• Speak to a school counselor or parent
• Report remarks about suicide
• Find resources
• Find a positive connection from key adults (a trusted teacher, friend, coach,  friends parent)

• Believe it- if you struggle to believe that the depression is real the friend may pick up on that and feel that you are judging them
• Don’t take it personally- a depressed person is often hard to be around, they tend to close down and become angry and rebellious and blame you.  It is not as much about you as it is their distorted sense of reality that the illness causes
• Don’t assume they are fine; healing has its ups and downs.  They may appear to be fine in some situations
• Know your limits- you do not have to take everything on yourself
• Trust your instincts
• HAVE THEM GET HELP

 

CUTTING

HOW CAN I HELP SOMEONE THAT IS CUTTING

To find out that a friend is “cutting” can be upsetting.  You might tend to feel confused and upset or even sad and sorry that your friend is hurting themselves that way.  You may also become mad or even angry at them for hiding something from you.  It’s difficult for someone who is mentally healthy to understand the reasoning for hurting oneself.

You must be realistic about what you can do.  Your friend might not be ready to acknowledge the problem and stop.  Do not put pressure on yourself for this problem, it did not start over night and will not end over night.  Your friend will most likely need professional help.  Therapists that specialize in treating adolescents who self injure can also help with other issues or emotional pain that they are experiencing.

Studies have shown that 90% of the adolescents treated for self injury are able to stop within a year of treatment

WAYS TO HELP

• Talk about it- ask about the cuts, scratches or burn marks
• Let your friend know that you won’t judge them, that you want to help them
• See if they will talk to you, if they are not ready let them know that you will always be there for when they are ready
• TELL SOMEONE, sometimes a friend will ask to keep the cutting a secret, let them know that you care about them and that by keeping it a secret will only hurt them
• Let them know that you only tell a counselor or parent or coach, otherwise you will keep it a secret
• Help your friend find resources, on line support sites, books etc
• Find alternatives to cutting; draw a red marker on their body, take a walk, squeeze an ice cube, play loud music, help them find another distraction.
• Acknowledge your friends pain.  Let them know that you understand that their feelings are real and that things are overwhelming.  Avoid saying that “things aren’t that bad” or “you have such a good life”…

 

EATING DISORDER 

Every year thousands of teens develop eating disorders.  Our society has become “image obsessed” and very critical of our bodies.  Every day healthy eating and weight management is good but sometimes it crosses the line and becomes unsafe and destructive to our body.

Some teens go on extreme diets and can develop Anorexia; which deprives the body of food.  Others go on eating binges; Bing Eating.  Others purge their bodies through forced compulsive exercise, inducing vomiting, talking laxatives or a combination of these- this is known as Bulimia.

SIGNS OF EATING DISORDERS

• Has an obsession with weight and food (someone that constantly talks about calories, fat, carbs, weight, and “feeling fat”.
• Feels the need to exercise all the time
• Avoids hanging out with friends during meal time
• Starts to wear big or baggy clothes to hide their body
• Goes on extreme highly restrictive diets such as clear liquid soup or raw vegetables
• Cuts food into tiny pieces or moves food around the plate without eating
• Seems to compete with others about how little they eat or talks about only having a diet soda for lunch or a few chips for dinner etc
• Goes to the bathroom a lot especially after meals
• Always talks about how fat she/he is
• Is very defensive or sensitive about their weight gain/loss or eating habits
• Takes laxatives, steroids, herbal supplements or diet pills
• Has a tendency to faint, bruises easily and seems to be cold all of the time

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO

• Talk to you friend, tell them what you are noticing
• Educate yourself about eating disorders so you can better understand your friend
• Try and get them to talk to a counselor
• Don’t be too watchful of your friend they may feel that you are judging them and pull away from you
• Know your limits.  Don’t try and solve the problem for your friend be there to support them
• Focus on inner qualities.  Talk about theirs strengths and avoid talking about food diets weight etc
• Offer to go to a support group with them
• If your friend is not getting help or any better then you might need to talk to someone.  It is not easy to do because you might feel like you are betraying your friend but if they need help that is what a friend has to do
• Reassure your friend that you are there for them no matter what

 

BULLYING

 Bullying among today’s teens has become a significant problem, and it is steadily increasing.  Many experts fear bullying has become so widespread and common; adults are blinded to its extensive harm.

• It is estimated that 160,000 children miss school every day due to fear of attack or intimidation by other students
• One in seven students is either a bully or a victim
• 56% of students have personally witnessed some type of bullying at school
• 15% of all absentees is directly related to fears of being bullied at school
• 71% of students report incidents of bullying as a problem at their school
• One in 20 students have seen a gun at school

 

Bullies pick on the people they think don’t fit in.  Some bullies attack their targets physically, like shoving, tripping, punching or even sexual assaults.  They may verbally bully by taunts or teasing or psychological bullying by excluding them or gossiping about them.

Studies show that people who are abused by their peers are at risk for mental health problems, such as low self-esteem, stress, depression, or anxiety.  They may also think about suicide more.

Bullies are at risk as well.  Bullying is violence, and it often leads to more violent behavior. It’s estimated that 1 out of 4 elementary school bullies will have a criminal record by the time that they are 30.  Some teen bullies end up being rejected by their peers. Research has shown that bullies also have depression and low self-esteem which leads them to being a bully.

Who bullies?

Both boys and girls can be bullies.  Bullies can be outgoing and aggressive or they may appear to be reserved, but may try to manipulate people in subtle, deceptive ways, like anonymously starting damaging rumors.

Many bullies share common characteristics.  They like to dominate others and are generally focused on themselves.  They often have poor social skills and poor judgment and in many cases they don’t have feelings of empathy or caring towards other people. 

Bullies tend to be insecure.  They put others down to make themselves feel more interesting and powerful.  And some bullies act the way they do because they have been bullied themselves.

 

Some bullies actually have personality disorders that don’t allow them to understand normal social emotions like guilt, empathy, compassion, or remorse.

What to do

• Tell a trusted adult
• Ignore the bully and walk away.  Bullies thrive on your reaction don’t give them one
• Hold the anger.  Anger is the response the bully is trying to get, the bully wants to know that they have control over your emotions, you show them anger they feel they have won
• Don’t get physical.  Not only are you showing anger but you never know what the bully is planning.  Stand up for yourself in other ways, such as gaining control of the situation by walking away or being assertive in your actions
• Practice confidence.  Practice ways to respond to the bully verbally or through your behavior.  Practice feeling good about yourself even if you fake it at first.
• Take charge of your life.  You can’t control other kids’ lives but you can control yours.  Find ways to make you “stronger” exercise, yoga, martial arts class something to gain more self confidence.  The better you feel about yourself the easier it is to ignore the bully
• Talk about it.  Talk to a guidance counselor, teacher or friend.  Anyone that can give you the support that you need
• Find your true friends

 

What if you are the bully?

Most all people go through difficult situation or emotions. For some they feel stressed, angry, or frustrated so they take it out on someone else by picking on them; it takes the attention away from them and their problems.  Some bullies have come from an environment where they have been verbally abused or physically pushed around and this seems like the norm to them.

• If you feel that you are the bully resist the temptation to pick on someone
• Ask a friend if they feel that you are a bully
• Talk to a teacher or counselor

Ways to stop bulling in school

• For kids tell a trusted adult.  For teens the “tell an adult” approach depends on the bulling situation.  It is vital to report if it threatens to become violent.  Numerous high school students have died when stalking, threats, and attacks went unreported and the silence gave the bully a license to become more violent 

• Avoid areas that bullies tend to hang out in such as stairwells, courtyards, playgrounds where teachers or staff can’t see.
• Try and stay in a group
• Try and talk to the bully and if you are not comfortable talking to them leave a note on the locker
• Join your school’s anti-violence program and if there is not one start one

 

COPE is a SAFE and confidential place to discuss worries and concerns, to find support or to get help.

Call the 24-hour COPE Teen Line:
262-377-7786

1-800-924-7786 (Northern Ozaukee County)

COPE is your crisis Hotline!
Call us if you think that someone is seriously depressed or suicidal.

United Way of
Northern Ozaukee